After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
