Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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