Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
