READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
