I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
In other news, I just burned my penis
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
