You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
