I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
