if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
