Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
