you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
