He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Boobs are out for the taking
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He shit in the fireplace
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
