I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
