I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
