My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
