i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
