Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
