I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
