i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
