HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
