i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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