I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
