somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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