So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
