I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
third nipple confirmed
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
