Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
