Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
