dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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