when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
