i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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