I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
