I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
