We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
