he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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