not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
