going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
