i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
