I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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