I want to walk on stilts...naked
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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