why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
