This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
