the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
