i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
How's work?
Spinning.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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