Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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