I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
