You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
