Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
