Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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