Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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