I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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