The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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