Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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