we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
