it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
