And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
