Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
