just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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