Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
