You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
