I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
