i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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